Understanding Grief: Bereavement, Loss, And How To Cope
Grief is a natural way to respond to loss, whether that’s the death of a loved one or a pet; the end of a romantic relationship or friendship; the loss of a job; or another life event where significant change is a factor.
Understanding grief – and why we feel it – enables us to better cope with our emotions and helps us on our journey towards healing.
Everybody experiences grief differently, but some common emotions associated with grief include sadness, anger, stress, confusion, numbness and regret. Some people may exhibit signs of grief immediately after loss, while other individuals might experience “delayed” grief, and there are some who may use coping mechanisms to deal with their emotions, such as avoiding triggers or distracting themselves from their feelings. These natural responses demonstrate the highly individual nature of processing grief.
Grief is seen as a taboo topic in some circles. This may be due to cultural or religious influences, or individual factors, such as being worried about saying the wrong thing, or being perceived as moving on too quickly or too slowly. Whatever the reason, avoiding conversations around grief can have a negative impact on both mental and physical health, and may prevent others from feeling like they can open up.
What is grief?
Grief is a personal emotional response to loss. It reflects the love, connection or meaning we attach to what we’ve lost, whether that’s a person or animal, relationship, role or sense of identity. Grief can affect not just how we feel, but how we think, behave and even how our bodies physically respond. Fatigue, changes in appetite, difficulty concentrating, and sleep disturbance are all common physical and cognitive effects of grief.
“Grief is a complex mix of feelings that can ebb and flow over time,” explains Dr Manan Thakrar, Consultant Psychiatrist at The London Psychiatry Centre. “It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. For some people, grief may be immediate and intense, while for others, it may come in waves or appear months after the loss.”
Grief can also resurface unexpectedly – sometimes triggered by anniversaries, familiar places or memories – which is entirely normal. What matters most is acknowledging the loss and finding ways to process it safely and meaningfully.
The five stages of grief (and why they’re not a strict rule)
The five stages of grief, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969, are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
They were originally developed to describe the emotional journey of those facing terminal illness, but the model has since been widely applied to other types of loss.
While many people find comfort in recognising these stages, they are not a fixed or linear process. You might move back and forth between stages, skip some entirely, or experience them in a different order.
More recently, therapists have been exploring alternative ways of understanding grief. One of these is the dual process model (developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut) which suggests that people naturally oscillate between two states:
- Loss-oriented coping, where you focus on your feelings or sadness, yearning or reflection
- Restoration-oriented coping, where you adapt to life changes, take on new roles or look to the future
Rather than “completing” stages, this model recognises that healing involves moving between confronting and avoiding the pain of loss, both of which are necessary parts of the process.
How to cope with grief
There is no quick fix for grief, but there are ways to support yourself as you move through it. Healing takes time, and progress may not always feel straightforward. Here are some tips to help you on your journey with grief.
Be kind to yourself
Grief can be exhausting. You may feel emotionally drained, physically tired, or both. It’s important to rest when you need to and avoid putting pressure on yourself to “get back to normal”. Allow yourself small comforts, whether that’s quiet time alone, time in nature or reconnecting with loved ones.
Be patient
There’s no timeline for grief. You may have days when you feel relatively fine, followed by days that feel overwhelmingly heavy. This fluctuation is normal. Healing isn’t about forgetting or “moving on”, but learning to live alongside the loss in a way that feels more manageable over time.
Seek support
Talking about grief can be incredibly healing, even if it feels difficult. This might mean reaching out to a friend, family member, support group or therapist. Professional support can help you make sense of your emotions and develop coping strategies tailored to you.
Find meaning
For some, engaging in rituals, especially when it comes to dealing with grief after the death of a loved one – such as planting a tree, creating a memory box or writing a letter – can help provide a sense of connection. For others, meaning might come from volunteering, creative expression or continuing a shared tradition.
Take care of your body
Physical and emotional wellbeing are closely linked. Regular meals, gentle exercise and adequate sleep all help regulate your mood and energy levels. Try to maintain some form of routine, even if it’s minimal.
Is my experience of grief normal?
Grief often feels unpredictable and can manifest in surprising ways. You might feel numb one day and emotional the next; you might even experience relief, guilt or frustration. All of these feelings are valid.
If your grief feels overwhelming, prolonged or is affecting your ability to function day to day, it may be helpful to seek professional support. Persistent, intense grief may sometimes develop into depression. It could also develop into complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder, which affects as many as 7% of bereaved individuals, and benefits from specialist therapeutic intervention.
How to help someone who is grieving
Supporting a grieving person doesn’t require perfect words; sometimes, your presence is enough. Listen without judgement, avoid giving unsolicited advice, and let them express what they need to in their own time. Simple gestures, like checking in, bringing a meal, or sitting quietly with them, can be very comforting.
Grief is not always something to overcome, but can be a feeling to live with in a new way. By understanding it, and allowing space for the emotions that come with it, we give ourselves permission to heal and reconnect with life.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, please do not hesitate to get in touch with The London Psychiatry Centre and our team of friendly, knowledgeable mental health experts. Get in touch with us today by calling 020 7580 4224, or book online using our easy-to-use form.
